Some days are great, some not so good. Im doing my finest to remain optimistic and to keep faith that tomorrow will be better.
“Tears are words that require to be written.” ~ Paulo Coelho
For now, Im doing my best. I know that whatever in life is short-term. The excellent, the bad. Even life. Its all momentary. If I can simply get through today, Ill be great.
Theres a tightness in my chest that will not disappear. Theres a darkness in the pit of my stomach that makes me nauseous. My shoulders feel weighted and my arms wish for human touch. A body to cover around firmly to comfort me and guarantee me that whatever will be okay.
Some days I wish I didnt need to pretend to smile. I long for the day when it will come naturally, all the best, and truly.
Today I shopped and purchased myself something nice. I know, a momentary repair. It worked.
When I state Im fine this is what I truly imply …
Im full of stress and anxiety inside, and no matter how tough I try to find peace, it eludes me. I feel there are a million devils within me, and I do not know which one needs my attention one of the most.
You asked me how I was. I pleasantly responded, “Im great” and forced a smile that I hoped would be credible. It must have worked. You smiled back and said, “Im so thankful to hear that. You look terrific.”
Every day Im doing my finest to smile and make the day better. Im believing favorably, Im taking big deep breaths when I need to.
Im not truly great. I havent been great for a long time, and I question if I will ever know what “fine” really seems like again.
I wish to be great, truthful I do.
One day I would enjoy to genuinely inform you how fine I am. That all my worries, anxieties, and worries are gone, or at least less overwhelming. That I stroll with an avoid in my step and a song in my heart. I desire to feel that. I might have felt this once prior to a long time back, however I dont truly remember it.
Inside, Im crying all the time. My soul is crushed, and my heart has plenty of holes that Im desperately trying to restore as finest I can.
I disregard them all. Its too much for me to bear most days.
Im doing my best to pretend Im fine.
It was lovely to see you today. I havent seen you in such a very long time. So much has happened since the last time we saw each other.
The mask I wear conceals my pain extremely well. Ive been using it for so long now that nobody can translucent it any longer. Its my new face, and it smiles on demand.
It all works. And then the moment is gone, and it all comes flooding back. All the chaos, the distress, the stress and anxiety, the discomfort.
My problems are huge and unsightly. You dont need to be exposed to mine. To believe that your demons are not as important or debilitating as mine.
My difficulties have completely consumed my life.
One day I will. I will attempt to discover the guts to state, “Actually, Im sad,” even though I know you dont have a magic wand to take all my problems away.
I want to tell you my difficulties. I want you to take them away. I want someone could repair whatever that injures, though I nobody else can do that for me. Still, I wonder, does anybody have all the answers to these concerns that are pounding in my head and causing me sorrow and anxiety?
Im doing my best to see the intense side. I can see it some days. It does not take away the chaos brewing inside of me. It only masks it with a Band-Aid. A momentary fix.
Possibly simply opening up and letting you support me will assist. Perhaps if I stop painting a smile on my face and telling you “Im fine, truly I am,” one day quickly I will be.
I just inform you Im fine. Im protecting you when I say Im great. Since Im afraid my pain is just more toxicity.
Simply thinking about doing that is frustrating and triggers me a fantastic deal of anxiety. I know its up to me to be able to say, “Im great” and truly suggest it.
Im sad. Im actually having a tough time right now. I dont desire to inform you.
Im not really great. I want it would go away if just for a day.
When I say Im great I actually wish you might hear my inner voice shouting, “Im not fine, and I require help. Please remain and talk to me, comfort me, assist make this overwhelming pain stop.” I wish to state this to you. I open my mouth, and “Im great” comes out instead.
Everything is just a short-term repair till I finally end up being brave enough to get to the bottom of my satanic forces. I need to face them one at a time. I require to bring them to the surface, dust them off, address them, heal from them, and then let them go.
About Iva Ursano
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Im sad. Im protecting you when I say Im fine. When I state Im fine I truly want you might hear my inner voice yelling, “Im not great, and I need aid. One day I would like to seriously inform you how great I am. I know its up to me to be able to say, “Im fine” and actually imply it.
Iva is a self assistance blog writer from Ontario Canada who now resides in Guatemala. Her new course “The 21 Day Challenge” is now available. Use discount coupon code TINYBUDDHA for $60 off!!
When I say Im fine this is what I truly suggest …