“Authenticity is a collection of options that we need to make every day. Its about the choice to appear and be genuine. The option to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ~ Brene Brown
” What do you want to be when you mature?”
” Its so good to meet you. What do you do?”
These are the questions we are asked our entire life. When were children, everybody constantly asks about the future.
” How will you be productive in society? How will you contribute?”
We state things like, “I am a legal representative.” “I am a physicist.” “I am a teacher.” We do not state, “I practice law.” “I study physics. “I teach.” We put the focus on the job and not the I.
The next time you are at a party, after the pandemic, and you satisfy someone new, perhaps do not ask, “What do you do?” Rather ask, “Who are you?” Develop the area to satisfy the real, whole person; the individual who is vast, deep, and loaded with marvel for the world.
Identifying ourselves by our work resembles attempting to fill a mug with the ocean. Eventually the ocean will subdue the mug, and we will be left damp and feeling bad about ourselves.
I wasnt ready to play the game, discover the back doors, penny pinch, or be downright terrible. I was starting to see that the market was soulless. The art and stories were being determined by business that wished to make as much as possible.
Since I didnt really believe that it was who I was, I struggled to specify my title to other. I am a female who delights in stories and films. More notably, I am stimulated by stories.
You can agree them, be friends with them, but by identifying them as family there is a pressure to feel faithful and not let them down. Our alliances are controlled to be offered firstly to work. Whenever invest doing something for yourself or your real family is seen as self-centered.
When I might no longer define myself as a filmmaker, I ended up being disillusioned. If I wasnt one, then what was I? People always got delighted when I stated I worked on movies. Their eyes would illuminate, and they would plague me with questions about the popular individuals I understood or inside secrets.
Our work culture throws around the phrase “We resemble a family.” It is encouraged and suggested that your group members and coworkers are family. They arent.
They never wished to know how much sleep I missed or the number of buddies and family events I sacrificed for the bragging rights of Hollywood. They didnt need to know what thrilled me about life or who I was. They just wished to know “what I did.”
I might only increase from here. I could get to be the next Stephen Spielberg, the next Tarantino, the next Lucas? I worked for one of these types of popular people. He was simply a human. He wasnt the god I held him as much as be. He was flawed.
Sure, he got the adrenaline rush of making art, however at my expenditure. I was lucky to have my name in the credits. I wasnt part of the golden ones, the actors and manufacturers who were the “genuine” motion picture.
Being asked those questions all the time as kids turned us into the grownups that ask them. We remain in the same cycle and do not seem to understand to ask rather, “Who are you?”
When I matured and really got tasks in Hollywood, I understood that many people are not film directors. The majority of people are not even filmmakers. They work in movie. It takes lots of people to make one, however just a handful of individuals get any recognition or able to consider themselves filmmakers.
You may enjoy it, however as long as you are offering your time for cash you are participating in a service deal, and it is work. Just accept it as work and accept that you can be an entire person outside of your task. Your task is just a little sliver of the much larger individual.
For a long period of time, my focus and self-identity was bound in what I did. I would tell people, “I am a filmmaker.” When I was young, I understood I wanted to make movies. I enjoyed to inform stories. “I wish to be a film director!”
A year after my last movie task I still struggle to see myself outside these identities. I am now enrolled in grad school and I desire to label myself as a trainee.
Filmmaking was simply a job. The intense zealotry aspect of the movie market had actually constantly sat incorrect with me. Now I understand why. I am not a job. I am more than the work I do.
Sometimes I am a writer, however that title does not and can not incorporate the whole and vastness that I am as an individual.
I was afraid that I would be viewed as weak or people would think that I could not hack it. The more angst I felt, the more I turned to my unhelpful routine of Googling advice. There is absolutely nothing helpful about hours of reddit and self-help blog sites. They are all inconsistent.
I dealt with other filmmakers films. I personally had actually not made any art or films for over six years. I was exhausted and so busy of trying to work in the industry I wanted to operate in that I forgot myself.
If I didnt want to play the “Hollywood” video game I could go independent. I felt guilty that I called myself a filmmaker when I had not made a movie in years! I didnt even have any desire to even create one.
I began the long, laborious process of separating myself, the me, from the female and the filmmaker who worked in movie. Because I wasnt one, I realized that I was uncomfortable calling myself a filmmaker.
This Googling, however, led to some articles with actual facts. This is when I started to check out about Americans tendency to relate to our tasks. Our self-worth and identity are involved what we do.
I had friends who were making movies on the weekends. Drag myself for supper or a date and pretend I had a social life prior to I had to be back at work.
If this “works in the film industry” was truly. I was working on big movies! I had actually “made it.”
Through this process I concerned slowly accept that I wasnt happy with the work I was doing. There was a detach between it and the method I saw myself in life. I needed to stroll away for a bit and allow myself to recover from the harm I and the toxic industry had actually contaminated upon my soul.
Stars made millions, and I made base pay, however I didnt have the high-end of a free jet ride back home and an apartment for my sweetheart. I was reprimanded for refusing to work on a Saturday after just 5 hours off.
” What do you do?” people would ask. I would struggle to determine how to explain that I was a production assistant who worked on movies. I was generally a glorified secretary, an individual assistant. I was not a filmmaker.
I ended up being angrier and angrier at the film market as a whole. I felt utilized. I would never ever be them unless I sold myself and played their game.
The stories were not chosen for their worth and need on the planet, however by which would make the most cash. They benefited on these stories and off the handwork and sacrifices of the below-the-line workers that were viewed as non reusable.
American work culture is. We have produced an environment where work has to be our enthusiasm. Work is work.
About Dia Griffiths
If this “works in the movie industry” was really. We put the focus on the task and not the I.
I worked on other filmmakers films. I was so busy and exhausted of trying to work in the market I desired to work in that I forgot about myself.
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Dia Griffiths grew up in the mountains of West Virginia. To this day, even though she resides in Brooklyn with her cat Coco, Dia is inspired by the hollows of the forests. She loves stories and folklore and discovers power in them. Dia is currently in enrolled at Pacifica Graduate Institute to study mythology. Dia is working at producing spaces and communities for individuals to link, heal and authentically be through storytelling.
I started the long, tedious process of separating myself, the me, from the woman and the filmmaker who worked lady film. Work is work.