It must be because I am not good enough, as an employee, teacher, pal, partner. My instinct in these circumstances is to run, to leave previously anybody discovers my flaws, prior to I feel more hurt.
When I look back at my past I am left with frustrating sorrow. As I peel back the layers further, I see more clearly the origins.
I have actually never ever been fired, from a task or relationship. I have constantly been the one to leave. This is not something I take pride in, rather I see a pattern that has established over the course of my life given that childhood.
” Where is this coming from?” This is the concern I ask myself as I dive into self-healing. Just as the body has the ability to recover itself on a cellular level when injured, we too have the capability to recover our psychological injuries.
When we feel vulnerable or hurt, we tend to close off our hearts, chatter, turn to anger, or run away rather than address the discomfort. None of these behaviors will heal our emotional wounds. They are only short-term means of relieving the discomfort. In order to break these old, conditioned patterns, first we must recognize where the feelings are originating from.
As I begin, one by one the students get up and leave. I am mortified and discouraged, though I continue to teach anyhow.
“How brave the moon shines in her skin; surpassed by the stars.” ~ Angie Welland-Crosby
These deeply rooted injuries require proper acknowledgement in order to be healed.
I fear being deserted or rejected, so at the first indication of conflict I retreat, like a turtle that enters into its shell the minute it senses danger.
Underneath the protective armor is a extremely sensitive and hurt little girl.
A woman whose older sibling locked her out of her space and declined to play.
A girl who was teased by community kids for being strange.
I have this persisting dream where I am about to teach a yoga class. I stand to teach, and nobody is paying any attention to me. They are all sidetracked or in deep discussion with one another and have no interest in taking part in the class.
A lady who was desperate to be accepted.
I awaken from the dream with a sinking sensation in my stomach and heaviness in my heart. Rather than indulge and spiral into unhappiness, I turn straight toward the hurting.
A woman whose friend started an “I dislike Shannon club” in fourth grade.
A lady who constantly saw her buddies as smarter, prettier, cooler, and more likeable.
When We Feel Rejected
We eventually discover feelings of worry and desertion when we look underneath the surface of rejection. However we can pick to alter how we think of rejection, and subsequently, what we feel.
We can reroute our energy to people and situations that are favorable and enhancing. Mutually caring relationships and scenarios where we deal with one another with encouragement, compassion, and support. Where, instead of tear one another (or ourselves) down, we lift each other into the greatest variation of ourselves.
While we cant control what other individuals think, say, or do, we can manage how we perceive and get. We get to choose whether we allow anothers comments to specify who we are or how we feel about ourselves.
There are some circumstances where walking away is the ideal thing to do. Not out of worry, spite, or in defense, but rather from a place of surrender and acceptance.
There are countless circumstances that can set off sensations of unworthiness, however I d like to concentrate on 2 particular ones that have been particularly challenging for me.
It can be hurtful and scarring to be neglected, declined, or on the getting end of anothers severe comments or behavior. But often, it isnt as personal as we believe. Often, others harm us since they themselves are harming. Possibly it isnt even intentional and the other is uninformed they are causing discomfort.
Lets face it, people can be mean. We ourselves can be indicate.
When a Relationship Ends
Not constantly simple when we have not discovered love or comfort in another, we havent healed, and we arent progressing with our own life. When we feel rejected by someone we loved, what makes it even harder is that we frequently reject ourselves. The remedy? Concentrate on finding love and convenience in ourselves to enhance that we are still deserving of love, and we do not be worthy of to be or feel rejected– by anyone, including ourselves.
I experienced this as I enjoyed my exs new girlfriend move into a house that was when mine. The sensation of being replaceable. Even if eventually, a relationship isnt good for us and is no longer what we desire for our future, viewing somebody move on can raise grief and insecurity.
Instead of enjoy these sensations, we can choose to be happy for the other. Pleased they have actually found love and convenience in somebody else. Delighted at their own ability to heal and progress with their life.
Whether we chose to leave or not, there is often a deep sense of loss when a relationship ends. These feelings of loss can come back at any time after we believe we have proceeded, especially when we witness somebody else taking our place. A place that as soon as made us feel unique, valued, adored.
When We Compare Ourselves to Others
Jealousy is a harmful emotion and can be activated by an off-hand remark, a sideways look, or a social media post.
She said to me, “Well then stop attempting. You currently are an excellent person. You dont need to attempt, its who you are.”
The truth is, no one has come before you or will come after you with your exact qualities. Allow who you are to shine, and permit others to shine, without insecurities, jealousy, or worry. Our true gifts are revealed when we recognize we are each perfect just as we are.
Typically it is the desire to be someone special that drives unhealthy behavior and thought patterns. You can stop trying to be great enough and allow yourself to simply be.
When I just recently experienced dispute in an interpersonal relationship, I was talking with my mom and I stated to her in defeat, “I just attempt so tough to be a great individual.”
We are content and delighted one minute, the next our ex updates their Facebook status to “in a relationship,” or we see a post from someone who appears to be doing much better in life, and we are sent out into a downward spiral that involves stalking profiles, comparing ourselves to another, anger, questioning our decisions, sensations of regret … the list goes on.
In order to overcome the green-eyed beast, we must stop comparing ourselves to others and see our own unique presents.
Its Time to Write a New Story
We can likewise help ourselves engrain these brand-new stories by surrounding ourselves with individuals who support, value, and motivate us.
My new dream goes like this: I reveal up to class to teach yoga and students arrive prepared and ready to practice. In this brand-new dream, I provide everything I have and allow my presents to shine.
As I continue on my own path to recovery, I am so grateful for an amazingly supportive boyfriend and network of family and friends (including my sibling, who has become my friend over the years), in addition to an incredible young puppy who teaches me the significance of unconditional love day-to-day (I highly recommend a canine for healing psychological injuries). Even when I pull away or fall into old patterns, I continue to be surrounded by people who accept me, challenge me, raise me, and inspire me to be the very best variation of myself.
We are the authors of our own story. The kind of story where we get to live our best life. If it no longer fits as we continue to evolve and grow on our path, we can rewrite our story. What will your story say about you?
Instead of interpreting a breakup or layoff as proof of our unworthiness, we can inform ourselves theres something much better out there for us– and we deserve it. Instead of anticipating individuals to decline us, we can focus on all the factors were worth accepting, and recognize that if they do not, its their loss.
Simply acknowledging our old stories is a great primary step. The next step is to create new stories that much better align with who we wish to be and how we desire to feel. And the last step is supporting those brand-new stories with our perceptions and analyses.
Those old stories from youth, the despiteful words on the play ground or rejection from others, they do not fit anymore. They never ever did. We sadly permitted them to suggest something about us and replayed the same story over and over again. As adults we have the capability and awareness to see and break these old patterns.
About Shannon Leigh
The kind of story where we get to live our finest life.
Shannon Leigh is a trainee and creator of life. She is here to find out and share experiences with others through the practice of yoga. She believes yoga brings us back to our most authentic self, and the very best way we can be a light for others is to cultivate self-love and approval. From unconditional love the magic of our lives can unfold in the most stunning ways. Visit her at beloveleigh.com.
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We regrettably permitted them to suggest something about us and replayed the very same story over and over once again. Just acknowledging our old stories is a great very first action. The next step is to produce new stories that much better line up with who we want to be and how we desire to feel. And the last step is supporting those brand-new stories with our understandings and interpretations.