How to Love Yourself and Break Your Relationship Patterns

I am really nurturing and providing to others. This is my love language and it feels excellent to offer. However, when a relationship ends or the flow of love stops, I feel those old psychological injuries resurface.

When I have actually felt susceptible or hurt, I have actually also kept love and affection towards others. We mirror for one another the parts of ourselves we reject, the parts of ourselves that requirement healing.

Whenever she my behavior, she would inform me, “I enjoy you, but I do not like you.” As if she had a switch she might turn on and off that began the flow or stopped of love from her heart.

I do not fault her or claim to be a victim, as I understand she learned this behavior from her own mother, and it was given for generations. A lot more terrible, she matured in Nazi Germany, where her household was prosecuted for being Jewish. These are deep multigenerational wounds that need recovery.

As an adult I am mindful adequate to break this acquired cycle. I acknowledge how I have actually repeated this pattern in my own relationships.

When the love I try to provide is rejected this triggers me much discomfort and distress and makes me question my own value. I make it mean something about myself, as I did with my grandma. That Im insufficient, worthy, or lovable.

Eventually I fell out of her favor, and the switch shut off once again. The flow of love stopped. This pattern continued until she died a few years earlier.

It felt incredible to be liked by her. This kind of love based on conditions is not sustainable.

Look what occurs with a love like that. ~ Rumi.

I matured thinking love was conditional. My granny, as much as I loved her, was extremely managing, and unless I fulfilled her high standards of behavior and provided her a specific level of attention, she treated me with cold.

When I was in her great enhances, she offered me the world.

Ive acknowledged that the only way to break my unhealthy relationship patterns is to work on healing my emotional injuries and develop love for myself.

How can we cultivate self-love and alter our relationship patterns?

1. End up being the observer.

If we wish to take it one action further, we can write down the circulation of ideas, and from this area we can see the often-ridiculous rubbish our mind produces. The more space we have from our ideas, the more we can find peace within ourselves and can select where to direct our energy.

In order to end up being more aware of our ideas we require to take space to simply be still and enjoy them. Meditation and mindfulness are powerful tools to establish awareness.

The very first step to breaking down the barriers that impede self-love is through awareness of our thoughts. By observing our ideas, we can start to determine our own damaging patterns and move our thinking. Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, and our actions become our life.

Through our stories and conditioned idea patterns. Numerous of these barriers exist in our own mind.

2. Discover ease in your aloneness.

When we discover ease in being alone with ourselves, we can move from a location of self-love instead of a place of requirement or insecurity. The more comfy we become with ourselves, the more ease we will experience in our relationships, which will be founded on an open circulation of mutual love and acceptance.

There is a distinction between being alone and being lonely. Being lonesome is where we feel separated and disconnected from others and from ourselves. Being alone is being comfy enough with ourselves to sit still in our own presence. To peaceful the mind and merely be present with our breath.

I find it exceptionally unconformable to be alone. I have this unreasonable requirement to be in consistent interaction with others, yet at the exact same time, when I feel I am being stifled or overwhelmed, I have an intense need to pull away and go within.

Then frequently when I am alone the negative ideas and questions of worth resurface. My mind replays all the methods I have stopped working in my relationships and in my life. I become sad or mad or injured as I put energy into these thoughts. Its a harmful dance with my own thoughts and feelings.

3. See the love all around.

When love exists all around and within me, I often ask myself why am I so concerned about the few people who treat me unkindly.

When we focus on what is lacking, it closes us off to the flow of abundance constantly available– the love showed in nature, the love putting from other relationships in our lives, the love that exists in our own heart.

When we move our focus from what is missing out on and see what is right in front of us, we develop an increased level of awareness and bring in like situations, relationships and experiences..

There are lots of instances in my life where I have been turned down, and I stay on these relationships for weeks; meanwhile, my finest buddy or my pup or a stranger on the street is showing love toward me.

4. Practicing existence, trust, and surrender.

We accept relationships and scenarios that are unhealthy for us since we are starving for love and love. All the while our heart has an everlasting circulation of love that asks for nothing.

One day, somebody comes to your door and uses you pizza for life. You would laugh and say, “I do not need your pizza!

Now imagine you are starving, and your cooking area is empty. You havent eaten anything significant for days. Now someone concerns your house and uses you the pizza. And you are so starving you accept it, allowing them to manage your life.

About Shannon Leigh.

From unconditional love the magic of our lives can unfold in the most lovely methods.


We can constantly select a higher course of approval. When we find ourselves in a circumstance or relationship that is not in our benefit, we can choose not to take things personally or make it imply something about ourselves. We can have adequate dignity to leave a relationship or circumstance that is not healthy.

Shannon Leigh is a student and creator of life. She is here to discover and share experiences with others through the practice of yoga. She believes yoga brings us back to our most genuine self, and the very best way we can be a light for others is to cultivate self-love and acceptance. From genuine love the magic of our lives can unfold in the most stunning methods. Visit her at

The story goes like this: Imagine you have a magical kitchen. You have a lot abundance and remarkable food to consume that you kindly show everybody. Because your kitchen is overruning with nutrition, everyone consumes at your home.

Among my favorite books, The Mastery of Love, by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., informs the story of the Magical Kitchen.

The most crucial relationship in our life is the one we have with ourselves. If we want to attract individuals and circumstances in our life that are healthy and based upon mutual love and respect, then we need to heal our psychological injuries, change our patterns, and love all parts of ourselves without condition. Only then can true love circulation in our life and our relationships.

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We accept relationships and scenarios that are unhealthy for us since we are starving for love and love. If we want to draw in people and circumstances in our life that are healthy and based on mutual love and respect, then we need to heal our emotional wounds, alter our patterns, and love all parts of ourselves without condition. Just then can real love circulation in our life and our relationships.

The more present we become, the less we reside in our minds and the more we move with the flow of life.

Releasing attachment, for me, is a regular practice, which is why I tattooed the word “surrender” in Sanskrit on my ankle as a daily reminder.

Trust is letting go and permitting the appeal of life to flow through us. If we might trust our path like we trust our own breath, that with each exhale a fresh inhale will come and fill us back up once again, then perhaps it would be easier to let go.

When a relationship ends or the circulation of love stops, I feel those old psychological injuries resurface.