What If I’m Actually The Bad Friend?

Updated September 29, 2020

Upgraded September 29, 2020

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I ask about satisfying up– its been months given that Ive seen you. You state Im never ever around. Love ended up being a replacement for years of relationship, and Ill stay wondering if youll ever be the first to contact me.

You tell me I take pleasure in being the victim by complaining about everybody in my life. Youre most likely right, however I shouldnt have to grumble about good friends, right? Should not I have buddies that love me and look after me, no matter what insane dreams I aspire for? So why do they leave me and leave me unread? We reside in an age where its so simple to disregard somebody up until youve disregarded them out of your life. We live in an age where its simple to ghost someone instead of provide the honest reality. So why should not I complain when Im cured unfairly? When did I have to peaceful myself so others could feel crucial? I have actually become too honest, honest enough to lose everybody, and abandon the ones who didnt lose touch with me.

When asked really about my life, you have not. I am always your punching bag for grievances. I listen to whatever you hate and offer ineffective guidance for scenarios Ive never been in. I dont understand why anyone would ask me for suggestions, Im friendless, however I guess Im good enough to request for recommendations. Im good enough when its needed however never ever when I need somebody. Im too comfy remembering I am always replaceable.

I message you for the hundredth time. My message stays left unread. I wait, wondering what I might have stated, how a “hello” could be so wrong. All I am left with is waiting.

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–.

I am the individual individuals begin plans with but never ever follow through. I am messages left unread, deliberately. I am forgettable. I am never in the very same location at the same time. When I do not reveal up for an important occasion, I am frustration. When I ask you to help me but cant bother to be there for you, I am animosity. I am anger when I complain about life but I havent heard anything about yours. I am constantly the victim, but never one to claim the blame. I am disposable.

–.

Then I worry youre like my other pal who leaves me unread for weeks on end, as if Im some sort of TV series they can choose up right where they left off. I do not understand why anyone would ask me for recommendations, Im friendless, however I guess Im great enough to ask for suggestions. Im great enough when its required however never ever when I need someone. I am always the victim, but never ever one to claim the blame. I cant reconstruct the bridges I burnt to the ground, however I can make one last effort at being great since I have lost adequate years being the bad good friend.

Prior to I drop off to sleep the night you brashly reminded me that I am an unlovable individual not a single soul might become close with, ideas run rampant in my brain, and I can no longer fall asleep.

–.

When I wake in the morning, I message all my friends. I give this one swan song since maybe you are right. Possibly Im really the bad pal. Ive non-stop chased dreams all these years and left everyone behind in the dust, disposable. The last one standing is me, however nobody with me. I cant reconstruct the bridges I burnt to the ground, but I can make one last attempt at being good because I have lost enough years being the bad good friend.

By
Liz Rae

I am whatever a pal should not be.

By
Liz Rae

I give you obscure dates and times which for me are not obscure due to the fact that I never take a break, but for you are tough to plan around. You ask which days Im available. Then I worry youre like my other good friend who leaves me unread for weeks on end, as if Im some sort of TV series they can pick up right where they left off.

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