Cindy does not give a shit about your life plans.I guess what Im getting at with all these steps is developing a healthy practice of humility.
Yeah, humility. How typically do we hear that word thrown around nowadays?
Because the common denominator of all self-hatred is an outsized sense of value– you either believe whatever about your life is the worst thing ever, or whatever you do must be the best thing ever in order to compensate. Cindy, the four-year-old, gets that. Instead youre hiding your flask and trying to discuss to her how youre going to resolve international warming on the back of a mixed drink napkin.
These are all petty, irrelevant self-indulgences. And its difficult these days. No, not your cock– resisting giving into them is hard. Due to the fact that they do feel good. For a little while. However their meaninglessness will ultimately consume you.
Theres this actually weird chapter in Napoleon Hills Grow and think Rich where he speaks about how Thomas Edison refused to have sex or something and thats how he developed 10,000 patents. I do not know, it made extremely little sense, however the idea was that sex releases energy that could otherwise be directed towards more productive and useful ventures.
Im not going to go that far, as I like polishing the old knob as much as the next guy. But I think the real lesson here is to find out how to self-regulate your self-indulgences. Once again, it comes back to knowing when to say no to yourself. Make these extravagances the cherry to your lifes cupcake. Not the cupcake itself.
( And no, you may not eat the cupcake.).
Action 3: Expose the hate.
Usually the things you dislike most about yourself are the important things you hide from the remainder of the world. They are the important things that you believe will cause people to reject you and hurt you and point and laugh at you.
But these fears are frequently unproven. Because typically the things we hate about ourselves are the very exact same things everybody else hates about themselves. Its like a video game of poker where everybody thinks they have the worst hand and is afraid to play because theyre convinced theyll lose, so everybody simply conceals their cards because theyre ashamed.
The irony here is that love is most often achieved by finding somebody sexy that embraces and even loves those inmost, darkest elements of you, and you welcome and even adore the inmost, darkest aspects of them. What Im saying is, you got ta share that shit in order to heal it, child.
Opening up to the worst functions of ourselves, and confessing and sharing them, causes the best trust and intimacy.
That is, obviously, presuming youre ready and/or able to forgive people and/or yourself.
Step 4: Forgive people, including yourself.
Forgiveness gets a great deal of airtime, but in a culture as punitive as the US, it doesnt feel as though lots of people really, you understand, practice it.
Flexible ways acknowledging something draws and still loving the individual (or yourself) regardless of it.
The majority of people do not do bad shit due to the fact that theyre evil, they do it since they do not know better or they wrongly believe theyre justified. Typically it helps to remember your own failures and lack of knowledge when forgiving someone else for theirs.
And this is why handling your own self-hatred is so crucial– the less youre able to recognize and accept the parts of yourself that you do not like, the less youll be able to forgive and let go of the wrongs of others. And the more of a raging, judgmental asshole you will be.
Step 5: Take a nap.
Seriously, you look exhausted.
Step 6: Let yourself stop working.
Your self-love is not proportional to how you feel about your successes; your self-love is how you feel about your failures. A person who enjoys and cares for themselves does not have a frustrating requirement to do everything right or perfect or remedy the very first time.
On the contrary, theyre more than happy to get filthy and screw up due to the fact that they comprehend that this is where true growth and development originates from.
Action 7: Achieve your wildest dreams– then forget them.
Prosper, dominate your field, find the love of your life.
Understand it doesnt provide all of the meaning and fulfillment you believed it would.
Have an existential crisis and near breakdown as you find out what the hell the point of your life is anyhow.
Then re-dedicate yourself to the simple service of others and the easy pleasures on your own.
Except for too much masturbation, of course.
Step 8: Both your favorable and your negative self-talk is bullshit, so stop taking part in it.
Here was a huge life-changer for me: recognizing that if all of the nasty and horrible things I stated to myself about myself were incorrect, then all of the amazing, badass things I told myself about myself were probably untrue. The reality is, you arent that special, and thats probably a good thing.
Step 9: Take the most important aspiration or failure in your life and go ask a four-year-old what they consider it.
Theyll likely giggle and ask you to pretend youre a tree and play horsies with them. And their action will be totally appropriate and proper.
Since whether youre attempting to cure cancer, find cold fusion energy, or make it to the bar when it opens to resume your down spiral of day drinking, youre still human, and you still have the ability to connect and empathize and play with the life offered to you. And four-year-olds have an amazing capability to remind you of that.
Lets get genuine: If were actually truthful with ourselves, we all have a little self-loathing going on from time to time. Even Oprah has to hate herself some of the time, Im pretty sure. Im writing a listicle for a website– I should hate some deep, dark corner of myself.
And we all should deal with these parts of ourselves that we dont exactly like. Some of us deal with it through avoidance– we sleepwalk through life, never ever making any serious choices, following others, and avoiding all challenging tasks or conflicts. Others attempt to overcompensate by trying to save the world and bring about an utopia and perhaps start another World War in the process.
The goal here isnt to get rid of that self-loathing. The only method to do that would be to remove our consciences and/or become psychopaths. And we dont desire that.
I likewise dont recommend suppressing your self-loathing by covering it up with fake self-esteem otherwise you may wind up shooting up a nightclub in Orlando.
No, the solution is to simply reduce our self-hatred by very first becoming conscious of it, and then learning how to mold it and form it and control it. The objective here is to manage our dissatisfactions with ourselves, so that they do not wind up managing us.
I lived in Boston, Ive seen a lot of snowflakes. And even if there was, Im pretty sure you wouldnt be it.
Lets get on with it. Here are nine actions to hate yourself less and learn how to handle your self-loathing much better so that you do not turn into a manic-depressive or, even worse, a religious nutcase that runs around with indications that state “GOD HATES FAGS” on it.
Action 1: Learn how to say “no”.
The more you dislike yourself, the more you will try to please and impress the other individuals around you all the time. After all, if you secretly think that youre a rotten piece of shit, then it follows that you will misestimate what other people consider you, and you will unconsciously commit all of your efforts to controling them into thinking youre not the horrible individual you secretly believe you are.
The word “yes” gets a great deal of hype these days, however I wish to restore the power of saying “no.”.
Stating no is pretty amazing when you know when and how to say it. You say no to people who overstep their limits and make unfair demands of your time or attention.
Stating these nos is difficult, obviously. Since the ability to state a healthy no requires a specific degree of self-esteem and self-care, thats. But saying no to individuals and things that hurt your life rather than aid is frequently the initial step to finding out how to care and like on your own.
Oh, and of course, you discover to state no to yourself too, to discipline yourself and keep yourself in check, to remind yourself that you dont, in reality, understand whatever and even know what the hell youre saying or doing half the time. This is such an underrated skill, yet it seems to be lost these days in the “provide me one of whatever” age.
Oh, and while were stating no to ourselves … Step 2: Stop masturbating all the damn time.
No, I dont imply stop diddling your unique parts. Although, if youre doing that like 15 times a day, you may want to cut down on that a bit too.
What I mean is masturbation in a more metaphorical sense– all of those superficial, self-pleasuring routines you indulge in regularly. Whether its eating eleven a lot of desserts, or keeping up until 4AM attempting to rank up in League of Legends, or lying to your friends and informing them you completely banged that hot blonde last Saturday when actually, you just got so drunk that you passed out in a fetal position in the rear seat of your automobile.
Stating no is pretty amazing when you know when and how to say it. You say no to doing a bunch of worthless shit that you do not believe is crucial in life. You say no to people who violate their limits and make unfair needs of your time or attention. Saying no to the people and things that hurt your life rather than aid is typically the very first step to learning how to care and enjoy for yourself.
Here was a big life-changer for me: realizing that if all of the nasty and awful things I said to myself about myself were untrue, then all of the incredible, badass things I told myself about myself were most likely untrue.